There are dozens... hundreds... maybe thousands of ways a guy can knock himself out of the running. Bad grammar, poor hygiene, and unforgivable shoes are just some of the most common mistakes that men unwittingly make when trying to win a girl over. Lest you think I'm strangely shallow, a neat freak germaphobe, or some sort of grammar geek, ask any girl and she'll tell you if a guy shows up in 10 year old sneakers, smells like he hasn't bathed in a week, and has trouble putting together a sentence, the odds are very good he will not be getting a second date.
I'd like to take this moment to tell you about Sammy. Sammy was a reasonably good looking guy who messaged me on Plenty of Fish and somehow managed to get me to give him my MSN address so we could take it "off site" as they say. Now, there was nothing especially distinctive about Sammy, but at some point he played just the right card, and I thought I'd give him a shot. So the door was open, all Sammy had to do was fall gracefully through it. Instead he proceeded to stumble around so much that he kicked it shut on himself.
Let me begin by explaining how shortly after starting the MSN phase of our relationship, Sammy started being... "over attentive". Every single time I signed on, sometimes before my computer had time to register that I actually was online, I would get a message from him. Now I'm not saying that I like games. I don't want someone to ignore me deliberately to pique my interest, but give a girl a little breathing room. The second problem was in his flagrant use of nicknames and endearments, including a nickname that is admittedly my screen name, but as it is obviously not a proper name, should be used after seeking permission. "Hey cutie pie", "What's up sweetie" or "Niff Niff how are you today beautiful lady?" constantly greeted me on opening my laptop. All of these are fine and good, but we barely had spoken to each other and certainly had not met. Beware too much too fast. It leaves a feeling that you're trying too hard to make yourself part of some one's life.
Once I got past the endearments, his conversation was decent and relatively interesting. Nothing mind shattering, and his sense of humor didn't quite hit the mark, but he was sweet and he was trying. So I would indulge him once in a while for a chat. Every time we chatted, he asked to meet, or mentioned how he'd like to drive down at that moment and see me... and occasionally he wished he "could give me a nice massage right now". Again the warning bells would go off. There is a difference between aggressive and pushy, and this guy was definitely starting to cross the line. Still, I had told him we could meet, and allowed a date to be set for a mid week drink.
The day of the date he put the final nails in his coffin. First, as we were settling the location, he began to "prepare" me for meeting him:
"Fair warning, I have no six packs, I'm just a normal, average guy."
(which instantly puts him in a position to blame my shallowness in judging his physical appearance if there's no chemistry)
When I explained that I didn't have expectations either way, nobody is perfect, he replied:
"I know, I'm sorry, I'm just so nervous!"
I told him we were just going to have a drink and see if we connected... which lead him to say:
"But I really really like you."
RED LIGHT!!!
WE'VE NEVER MET.... you can't LIKE me yet!
I told him to relax, go back to work, and meet me in a few hours and take it from there.
I subsequently canceled the date.
Granted I did have a real and practical reason for breaking the date ( a work project had gone overtime and was needed by the end of the evening), but I won't say I wasn't relieved to have an excuse not to go.
As if to all this wasn't enough to solidify my misgivings, Sammy caught me later that night on MSN. He proceeded to tell me he'd been drinking anyway without me, offer me a massage, and then tell me I was always in a bad mood. Guess what Sammy, it wasn't your lack of six pack abs that lost you the girl, it was your needy, crazy with a side of judgy. Good luck out there Sammy, cuz you're not getting another chance with this fish.
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