Wednesday, March 30, 2011

Never eat salad on a date.

I never eat salad on a date. Why? It's bad. First off, eating a salad on a date makes the guy think you're concerned about your weight. Maybe you are, maybe you just like greens... doesn't matter. What he sees is a girl who is so insecure she won't eat anything but rabbit food. The other reason salad is bad? Salad is dangerous. It's slick vegetables covered in oily sauce. Have you ever eaten a salad without flicking some of the dressing on your face, your shirt, your date?
Salad is humiliation waiting to happen.

That's not to say pretty much any food isn't a potential mine field of sauce and stains. But getting chicken wing sauce on your face is, well, kinda hot. Seriously, I'm a girl, and even I can see how licking sauce from your fingers while laughing at his jokes will give any guy masturbatory material for days. If he's feeling bold or romantic, he can reach over and wipe that smudge off the side of your mouth, coming just this close to touching your lips in public.

Incredibly erotic, no?

But salad is all forks and propriety. The dressing gets on your face and it's an accident, not a natural side effect of enjoying your food. It's an embarrassment that any man will go to great lengths to ignore. It's just no fun.

So stick with the wings, and ditch the greens when you're out with your latest guy. But if you think things might move past the polite kiss goodnight, do yourself a favour and skip the suicide sauce. I have it on good authority that the chilli can linger, and you don't want that anywhere near any sensitive areas!